- 2019 blog post linked here: My Year in books 2019
- George-Alex Gino
- 101 pieces of me- Veronica Bennett
- Heartstopper: volume one- Alice Oseman
Recently there has been a lot of change in my life and I think some of the difficulty of dealing with change comes from both uncertainty and a lack of time to process what has actually been going on as well as the consequences. I was trying to balance catching up with online classes with homework and revision for exams whilst also trying to look after my mental and physical heath. Long story short, balance is difficult and, more often than not, results in some form of sacrifice. In this case it meant sacrificing my general health for the sake of studies, which led to burn out and an increase in anxiety.
I was going to keep justifying this unhealthy way of working. Let's face it, it's very easy to say "this isn't working" but it's incredibly hard to put in the things that will actually make things change. Sometimes life decides to punch you in the chest and then you can't keep going in the same direction because you're winded and need to recover.
For me, this punch came in the form of a phone call from a friend who needed to feel less alone in an isolated world. It was through talking to them that I discovered that I needed to have a conversation with myself, namely I needed to ask myself "How can I keep justifying this way of working when I am fully aware that it will screw me over in the long run?" The answer was simple. I can't.
Ironically, that's when I hit burn out at full speed. But for the first time, instead of pushing through and doing work despite how draining it was, I decided to take a break from studying. Instead, I tried leaving the house for the first time in round-about a week and I tried a socially-distanced hangout. This too wasn't great either because I tried to push myself into situations before I was ready.
Now we come to this morning where, despite having had a fair amount of sleep, I was still incredibly drained and tired. So I decided to write today off as a no study day as well, only this time I would only do things related to disconnecting. I finished reading Notes on a nervous planet by Matt Haig and I told my Instagram followers that I would be heading offline for a while. I let myself feel tired and drained and all of the things that come with being in a world that doesn't really make sense. It turns out that there is a lot to be said for doing nothing.
And what I mean by doing nothing is this: There is no pressure to be productive, leave your comfort zone or do anything that might tire/stress you out unnecessarily, there is no time limit and there are no plans. Doing nothing for me is essentially spontaneous self care I do on those days that I realise that it doesn't matter what I do, work just isn't going to happen and I need a re-charge.
For me this re charge used to mean a few hours of watching a film. Now it means reading a book in my pyjamas underneath a fluffy blanket, sleeping as and when, having a proper wash and generally remembering to do all the things that a functioning human being should do anyway- eating well, getting a good amount of sleep and breathing mindfully. Sometimes I only need a day of zoning out from the world and I'm all good to go, sometimes I need few and that's completely okay for a while.
Another beautiful thing about doing nothing is it gives you the headspace to take a moment to actually figure out what you need to do next in your own time. In this case, I need to create a more realistic study plan because my one is frankly inhuman and unrealistic, I also need to find a way to incorporate self care and me-time into this plan and I need to remember to keep going with it despite how hectic things are. Going back to what I said about the whole "there are no plans", I'm currently having a nothing day. I'm aware of what I will need to do next, but I'm not actually going to do that thing until I feel ready to, things can wait.
I can't reiterate this enough (and I am fully aware I need to take my own advice), Things Can Wait. The world isn't going to end because a History essay hasn't been handed in on time, so long as it gets done at some point it's alright. A person I know recently re-enforced this by telling me "I would rather you get a full night's sleep and not hand in an assignment." '(This really says something considering the general attitudes within the education system). This blog post that I am writing could have waited, I wrote it anyway because writing for myself is an act of self care, there's no pressure. I am supposed to be revising but it can wait until I am rested and well. My point is that doing nothing is in itself productive because some things can wait, self care shouldn't have to.
I am in the pursuit of nothing and I recommend it highly. Give your brain a break, go and do what makes you happy, be spontaneous and more importantly take a break, even though you may feel unproductive, trust me, in the long term you will reap the rewards i.e. feel more awake, be able to have more of a balance and generally feel happier. There is nothing wrong with doing nothing when it allows you to take better care of yourself and/or re-charge.
On that note, I am off continue my pursuit of nothing...
So I was going to do a post about the time I accidentally called Warwick Davis short, but something more important came up and sometimes things need to be talked about in the moment if they are going to make any sort of impact. That's what I intend to do. Make an impact. Because this is an important issue and it's happening right now.
Yes this is somewhat of a political post.
No I am not going to apologise for it.
Before we begin this ongoing discussion, I am going to address the fact that I am a student, which means I am biased. However if you too are a student or any kind of worker then we have the same bias.
The concept of work-life balance is dying because of our societal norms and values. Over the years British society has placed more and more of a value on achievement and hard work, which is really great in many respects as it can be a good motivator. On the other hand, this has gone to such an extreme that the worth of citizens is based entirely on how much you can produce, how hard you can work and how much you can achieve, without any consideration for mental and physical health.
I'll put it this way: being physically fit and healthy is seen as vital and it is generally very important, but there is absolutely no time to do it and actually stick with it.
Let's say that I want to do some exercise on my busiest college day: Thursdays 8:40am - 4:10pm. We can eliminate 40mins before and after both times as that's how long it takes me to get there on a day without traffic. We can also eliminate 2 breaks: a 20min break I get in the morning and a 50min break I get in the afternoon, as during those times I need to do homework and/or revision. By the time I get home its around 5ish. I then have to complete any work I've been set during the day as well as revise for mocks and exams. Due to the fact that I am human, I need time to eat and sleep. Weekends are spent doing exactly what I do during the week, with the added bonus of volunteering.
Where is the time to exercise? It doesn't exist!
Fortnightly I give up my lunchtime to go on a walk and I regularly meal skip. There is no other time for being physically healthy. The amount of nights I've lost to pulling all nighters for the sake of work is insane!
Humans need time to socialise and reset and do self care things...I am living for work right now and I'm willing to bet that anyone doing a fulltime/multiple jobs feels the same/similar. WE WERE NOT MADE TO LIVE FOR WORK!
I can't believe that I have reached the point where I feel the need to constantly be doing something productive. I can't believe that I have reached the point where I feel guilty for watching a 10 minute video about cake baking. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE REACHED THE POINT WHERE I FEEL UNPRODUCTIVE FOR READING A FICTION BOOK OR ATTENDING AN ONLINE WRITING EVENT!
What the fuck is society doing to us? We are not machines, yet society seems to be conditioning us to become more and more like them. If we keep going like this, the idea of work-life balance will be a concept lost to history.
I am not saying that society is bad as a whole, on the contrary, I think society is incredible provided it teaches us values that don't push us to the brink of barely functioning. Yes, respect is a great British value and freedom, hell yeah! But it is not okay to value overworking to the point of burnout. We are more than the sum of our achievements and we are worth so much more than what we can produce or what grades we get or what type of job we have!
I am calling on you, the reader, to spread the message far and wide that we need to value people. Work matters but it honestly doesn't matter much as a person. Work can wait, it will get done eventually, people can't. We need to support each other in any way we can. We need to support ourselves in any way we can.
It's not enough to acknowledge a significant achievement that benefits the world. People benefit the world so we need to acknowledge every single thing from waking up and getting out of bed in the morning to taking time out to have a bubble bath and watch Netflix.
I wish I could ban the phrases "you haven't worked hard enough" or "you need to manage your time better" because unless you've walked in someone else's shoes, you really don't know whats been going on behind closed doors. You haven't seen the teacher struggling whilst continuing put their students first by marking their work without a break. You haven't seen the parents who live for their work because society has given them no other meaning. You haven't seen your co-worker who puts on a smile and says they are okay when they are actually drowning in their work.
Heck you probably only see yourself through the eyes of others and haven't acknowledged how hard you work every single day even though it makes you tired.
According to https://mhfaengland.org 1 in 4 people in the uk experience mental health issues each year. That is staggering. I can guess why we are in such a crisis and no, it's not just because of the pandemic. And no it doesn't come down to just 1 issue. It is made up of a host of innumerable political, economical and social factors, work/college/school life only contributes to this.
The institutions that prepare us for work life by stating that we need to have a balance are the same institutions who's workers are suffering because of their own work life. We don't teach anyone how to realistically have a balance and we can't until we re-design the working week, so that we only work the 8 hours that we are supposed to. So that we have choice over whether we want to do more rather than the obligation or the need.
I am talking to everyone from all walks of society. The best time for change is right now. I encourage you to write down or review your own week. You'll see exactly what I'm talking about. I implore you, change as much as you can to make your life work for you. It is your life. You need to make sure that you are content with what you are doing. You need to make sure that you are looking after BOTH your mind and body. Above all else, you need to make sure that you are working to live not living to work.
For more advice on re-claiming the balance, the links below may be useful:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/ (this one has lots of mental health links)
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/a-z-mental-health/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/w/work-life-balance
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/nov/07/ten-tips-for-a-better-work-life-balance
https://www.etsy.com/uk/market/weekly_planner
https://www.actionforhappiness.org/calendars
https://www.headspace.com
(I also really recommend to do list apps/planners)
On that note, for the first time in a week I'm going to read a book, actually get a full night sleep and in the morning, I'm going to re-organise my own life to make it work for me.
-Amello





I would like to talk to you about the environment. I know that that sounds like the environmental activist/annoying environmentalist film stereotype but rest assured, I'm not here to call you out for fly-tipping (even though I don't particularly agree with it) nor am I here to tell you to try and become more like Infinity Jackson from The Politician season 2. This isn't going to be a guide like the book from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy,which says "Don't Panic" even though it knows that everyone is panicking.
This is going to be about how many geeky/teen references I can fit into a single post...just kidding. In all mock seriousness, it's my usual thing of telling you weird stories that have actually happened for the sake of my enjoyment and your amusement/confusion.
My first encounter with the fact that we humans are killing the Earth was in year 5. I watched a David Attenborough documentary in class, learned about overfishing and suddenly decided to stop eating fish. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but at the time it was because my mother started letting me pick out fish at the fish counter at our local supermarket a few times a month. Needless to say she was a bit annoyed. It wasn't long afterwards that some distant relatives of mine decided to invite us to go on a boat trip with them. My mother, seeing this as a prime opportunity to renew my taste for fish, accepted. BIG MISTAKE. We went "Jigging" (google it) and I managed to catch mystery fish. Me, being young and naive, thought that we were going to keep the fish for a while and then set it free. NOPE. I watched it being gutted on the deck with the handle of a winch and vowed never to eat fish again. Long story short, I thought prawns were okay so I only ate those if we were having seafood up until the point where I decided to go vegetarian (even longer story short, it is practically impossible to stay vegetarian in Germany).
I haven't eaten fish since.
The year afterwards I was in a geography lesson. I didn't know that tax is added to stuff, heck I didn't know what taxes were (I still don't), I also didn't know that you have to pay for the water that comes out of your tap. Naturally I got freaked out when a teacher talked about how we were going to have to pay more for water. I had an idea that I genuinely believed was genius. I was going to fill up as many bottles as I could with water and put it in the freezer so that we would get free water when the government decided to make us pay for it. One of these bottles happened to be a brand-new metal bottle my mother got to take with her to work. I learned 2 things that day:
1. Water isn't like vegetables or meat, it expands when frozen. Trust me, having that conversation about how you managed to break the bottle beyond use because of a severe lack of common sense is VERY AWKWARD ON BOTH SIDES.
2. You have to pay for most things. Capitalisim Yo!
Funnily enough, this was the same year that I joined my middle school's "Eco Group". It only lasted a year because of lack of membership and all I learned was how to make button badges and how to convince people that it is cheaper to buy from the school shop than it is to buy from somewhere like Tesco. It was not cheaper in any way, shape or form but the stuff was impossible to break, looked cooler and the money went to a good cause: environmental conservation.
Secondary school: became a fulltime vegetarian for a year because I saw a silent protest in London about animal testing whilst I was on my way to see a show. Quit for various reasons.
Last year felt like a final straw for my environmental awakening. I met up with a friend in the morning so we could hang out for the day then go to a party in the evening, when I got there she told me that we were going to take part in an environmental protest before doing anything else. I hadn't seen that many people in one place since Comic con and it was honestly intimidating. I held up a protest sign for the first time in my life, I learned a chant that wasn't about feminism (I accidentally came across a feminist protest in London a few months earlier) and I sat down in the middle of the road with an insane amount of people my age, blocking traffic, with the police protecting us on one side and various adults shouting at us things like "You should be in school", "Screw the environment" and "I fully support you all!" Confusing much. I didn't end up staying for long, it was too hectic and loud for me although I still consider it to have been a great experience because of what I learned about firsthand activism.
Having had various experiences with environmental ideas, I have come to my own conclusion. I don't need to be outspoken or go to a protest to be an activist. Being outspoken or even voicing my thoughts anywhere except on this blog feels majorly intimidating, so I generally avoid it where possible. That doesn't mean I don't have ideas or believe in things strongly, it just means that there are other ways of being an activist.
I educate myself in my own time and listen to other people's point of views. I occasionally re-post on instagram but I take the time to read and save posts. I look through social media as well as read books that people who understand more have written. I read fiction and non fiction. Recently I wrote an essay about the art of rhetoric in environmental speeches. I sound like I'm boasting (I probably am) but these are various examples of what any quiet activist can do, there are probably a lot more things that I don't even know about yet.
What I am trying to say is this: just because you many not want to be loud doesn't mean you can't whisper from the sidelines. It certainly doesn't mean that you can't/don't quietly support a cause in your own time. Activism isn't just about spreading the word, it's about navigating it and understanding it for yourself in your own way.
On that note, I'm going to head off and read my current book "Queenie", which I recommend for anyone who is interested in gaining a better insight into Race and Sexisim.